It's Thursday and I'm still waiting for the wardrobe malfunction from the half time show at the Stupor Bowl; mind you some would say that Beyonce's outfit was already a wardrobe faux pas, and she may have been better served with a pole in the middle of the stage.
For those of you who haven't been to a strip club in several years, the pole is used as a prop by the dancers to better show off their talents. And why not?
This is a show for the boys; check out the demographic. Sure a lot of women watch the Super Bowl, usually at Super Bowl parties. But many of them don't know a fair catch from a frying pan. The boys want beer and buttocks and boobs with their football, and that's what they got.
I watched the game, by myself - a party of one - which is fine with me. I prefer the comfort of the sofa bed in front of the big screen with the suds and the popcorn and some leftover hummus.
Two trivia questions emerged from this year's game: what were the names of the brothers coaching the opposing teams? And what distinguished this game from all others?
It was the Harbaugh boys playing the Sibling Rivalry Bowl, while their proud father, a coach himself, sat in the stands. The broadcasters milked this one for all it was worth during the interminable pre-game shows, and you can bet that at some point, the brothers were thinking that life might have been less stressful were Dad a postal worker. Mother Harbaugh was overheard on more than one occasion screaming, "Quit picking on your brother!"
The distinguishing moment of this game was the 30-minute power outage at the beginning of the third quarter of play.
Here we have maybe the biggest sports spectacle in the world, broadcast into millions of homes around the globe, and the power goes out. Was it a windy day? Did a mouse chew through a wire? Did a fuse go out and no one could find a penny to replace it (more on this later)?
Who knows, but apparently it changed the momentum of the game and several female fans in the upper deck have reported that they have subsequently tested positive on a pregnancy test.
A nickel saved is a nickel earned: you think the nickel is nervous? When I was a kid we had electrical fuse boxes, and when a fuse went out, you could replace it temporarily with a penny. That's a bit of penny arcana you can share with your grandkids, now that the beloved copper is being phased out.
Actually 35 billion were produced during the past 100-plus years, many of them going for penny candy. Pennies were a pain in the butt, weren't they? You never wanted them in your pocket or purse. You put them in a dish (take a penny, leave a penny) next to the cash register, or you took them home and saved them in an empty pickle jar until someone had to roll them and take them to a bank.
Purchases will now be rolled up or back to the nearest nickel at the store, and your thoughts will cost at least that much. Some charities may suffer from the penny's demise, so if you're wondering what to do with your collection, flip it to a worthwhile cause.
Or use your pennies to invest in some new duds for spring, because Punxsatawney Phil - America's famous groundhog - emerged from his burrow at Gobbler's Knob, PA and did not see his shadow. That means we will have an early spring.
I can report that Ruskin Ralph, our resident mole, emerged from his burrow, Saturday last, and was promptly put upon and killed by Chester our cat, meaning there'll be no early spring for Ralphie.
Not to worry, there are plenty of replacements.